Petracovich

Holy Books - New/Used Petracovich Song

2011-03-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Listen to Holy Books

I remember being about 4 years old, outside our house in a grassy, golden field, by myself, and laying down, the grass towering over me, and throwing my arms out and watching the clouds move slowly across the blue sky and thinking, "This must be what GOD is."

Then came the reams of theology, words you must say, thoughts you must think, hoops you must jump through to get to GOD, to get right with GOD, layers and layers of thread wrapped around a child and adult that confuse the matter.

So this has been part of my unraveling, getting back to the pure being with that mystery, that amazing open sky, that belonging and love.

I also have dear memories of being afraid in bed at night, older, teenager, and my mom coming in to read me Bible verses to calm me and bring peace. My favorite, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, do not be afraid." Those words felt so comforting. In the dark, in the bedroom.

For years I've had this song and think I've been afraid to show it, hurt anyone's feelings. It feels good to be honest. Because I think about GOD and the universe a lot, and love to talk about what it all means.

This is a home recording, my piano, the NORD, new vocals, written about 2004.

Windows are Open

2011-02-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

Windows are open, cool air coming into the house. It feels like spring. I know it will go back to winter but today the air feels so good and I am just about to plant pansies and primroses outside the front door.

Life feels so good.

My little girl is napping, I have good food to eat, I have love.

This new year we are feeling more layers of cocoonness dropping off. Which is interesting because I don't know if we fully realized that they were there. For the first time since Otto died I feel like going somewhere, to travel, to visit, to see new things. It feels like a natural desire.

Such great loss really changes life. For years we are coming out of the layers of blankets, one by one. But this is not such a bad thing. It makes everything... MORE. You know that line from the song by Peter Bjorn and John, Objects of My Affection, "I laugh more often now, I cry more often now, I am more me." I love that song.

I think that now I understand, I have experienced, more about death, and it's more real that there is no way to hold on to all we have, it makes days like this immeasurably special. A day to plant flowers in early February, a day to smell the air, to take a walk with my beautiful little girl who is learning to walk and who loves rubbing her hands in dirt and sand and rocks.

It is so freeing. My life isn't measured so much in how many people like what I do, it's measured more easily in how much I am able to tune in to the wonders around me. And make it into music, or a landscape, or a drawing. It is much easier to live this way, with the support of the earth and the stars all around.

I am so grateful for this. I miss my little boy so much, and I love him so much, and I am coming out of blaming myself so much or needing to hibernate. I respect those times too. They had to happen.

And so my friends, I am writing songs again, very open, airy and meandering as I am in the phase of listening, being, and letting the next work make itself known. Waiting, unfolding, happy.

Photos of Petracovich Practice Session

2010-12-08T10:49:00.001-08:00

Our friend Nirav Patel is an amazing photographer. When he asked to come shoot our practice session we were excited but also apologizing for the low light and cramped quarters, and not expecting such works of art.

Max and I were practicing for our San Francisco show at Hotel Utah in October. I love the feel of these, quiet and happy. Like us!

Check out Nirav's blog of the session here.

Silent Night

2010-12-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

Free Download of Silent Night (or you can pay and donate to Care.org!)

Silent Night is so much about the nights when we would light a fire (which was every night in winter - our main source of heat in my house!). My mom used to sing this song to me as a baby. It's about peacefulness. I sing it now to both of my babies. I send them love.

I love the idea of the light coming into the darkness this time of year. I love that part of the Christmas story, the one I grew up with, of a baby coming to earth to bring us peace.

It seems to be a part of all of the stories of this time of year - lighting the minora, the solstice and the celebration of light returning to our days, celebration also of the deep darkness within. I can do without the talk of sin and even salvation. But I soak up the feeling of being ok with darkness, and loving the bits of light that come through to us.

Night is at 5pm where I live, and it's very dark, but people put tiny lights on their houses. We sit in the dark at night and look at candles. I think of my dearest baby girl who makes me laugh all the time. And I think of my dear baby boy who I miss so much right now, in big waves of love and sadness.

This time of year brings all of these things - the sadnesses, the losses, and the warm gratefulness for coffee and pie with your dad's laugh or your grandma's favorite stories. Both together - the missing and the being with people. It's intense.

I hope there is some of this warmth for you this season. I hope there is some hope. Life can be dark but there are little lights poking through that look so pretty because of the darkness they're surrounded by. It's good to feel all of these things, to be ok with all of it. Not perfection but the interesting shapes we are, with our holes and used up places too. They make us works of art.

Much love to you.

Crepusculo Released in Japan!

2010-10-21T13:48:00.001-07:00

It's official! You can buy Crepusculo in stores in Japan and from the Nature Bliss site! We got a bunch of copies in the mail with the lyrics printed in Japanese, as well as a short interview.

It's been an honor to work with Nature Bliss. On their blog they have Crepusculo listed next to Sufjan Stevens and Aimee Mann albums, a thrill to see some of my favorite song writers next to the music we created. I get to see Sufjan on tour next week too! Exciting.

Japanese Release of Petracovich's Crepusculo October10th

2010-10-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

Nature Bliss is releasing Crepusculo in Japan on October 10th!
Sufjan Stevensのようなフォーキー・マジカル・ポップ、そしてAimee Mannのような聴き手の心を癒す唄心を持ち合わせた作品「Crepusculo」。１枚のアルバムに潜んだストーリーと、大きな大きな愛に包まれる１枚です。

Here is a translation of what they say about the album.:

"This production/piece of work/performance integrates Sufjan Stevens’ folkie/magical/pop and Aimee Mann’s spirit-quenching heart songs. This album is one of lurking story and veiled big, big belovedness."

You can order the import here!

Show in San Francisco October 19th

2010-09-30T11:32:00.001-07:00

FREE SONG
to pass along!

Petracovich@
HOTEL UTAH
Tuesday, October 19th
8pm, $6
with Ash Reiter
Jamie Drake

Tuesday, October 19th!

Get a free ticket if you put up a poster in SF and send us a picture of it!

send me an email at jessica@redbuttonsrecords.com to help!

A great night at a victorian-esque club, some new tunes, drums, bells, vocals, and beer. All the best things in life.

Since

2010-09-09T15:28:00.000-07:00

I can feel it now when I sing,
The difference between now and then.
Between before I became a mama
And after.
Since I held my son in my arms
and had to let him go,
Since that shattering
And re-gathering
I think the pieces have been put back together
with more space between them,
more flexibility, more softness,
more understandings of the hurts behind people's faces
more aware of the joys in things like dahlias.

And when I sing now,
I can hear Otto there.
Which warms my heart so.
Because at first the question was
Where is he?
And it hurt so much not to know.
I have different places I see him
In the stars at night,
Particularly the planets that shine against the darkening blue,
In the sad stories on the news, other people's losses,
I hear him
in the softness of my heart that comes out my breath and in songs.
I am so glad to see him.

Music in the Sacred Trees

2010-08-20T10:49:00.001-07:00

Sun fell through the branches in golden spots, the mosquitos glowed where the light was bright.
We sat around the quiet place and looked up, almost loving the silence more than wanting to play.

But Walking in Sunlight made the perfect entrance with "three beautiful voices, a banjo and timeless folk songs" (bay bridged), I had to really hold back not to sing along, they just lift the voice right out of you.

Heather, Max and I had such a beautiful time playing, fingers cold as the evening mist came down, in such a holy spot. Luna fell asleep to "We Must Have Been Birds".

Thank you to all who were able to come and be in this wonderful place. We hope to play at the Botanical Gardens again. It's peaceful just to drive up there and be in the hills with the plants.

Show at UC Berkeley Botanical Gardens

2010-07-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's called the Redwood Amphitheater. We get to play under the trees on July 29th at 5:30pm!

I grew up under the trees in the woods of Occidental, Ca, about an hour north. The trees were like extra mothers and fathers to me. Deep shade with tufts of light, like clouds floating along the forest floor. Ferns and clover grew under the boughs, some grasses, and they moved and creaked as they swayed in the breeze. We had a hammock to dream on, and watch the bays and the redwoods mingle. On hot days, it was the most comforting scent of warm earth, spicy pine and laurel, dank clay and water from the creek. These are the smells and sounds of growing up, of coming to be in the world.

I sang all the songs of Les Miserables as loud as I could in those woods. And some Ray Charles and Patsy Cline too.

All this to say that playing under redwood trees is like being home. Like playing next to the fire where your grandparents sit.

I'm so excited to bring both together again. Music and trees. Air and song.

We'd love to see you there this Thursday with a picnic blanket and your daydreaming heart, to enjoy the low sun and our best happy tunes. Children, families, all are welcome to enjoy music and nature and support the Gardens all at once!

Garden Grooves: Redwood Grove Concert Series: Folk Rock Night

Performing Arts - Music | July 29 | 5:30-7 p.m. $15, $12 members per concert. Children under 5 Free, Children 5-17 half price.Registration info: Register by calling 510-643-2755, or by emailing garden@berkeley.edu.200 Centennial Drive, Berkeley, CA 94720-5045

Petracovich At the Pub

2010-07-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

I drove through the Sonoma wine country on a beautiful, sunny evening to get to this show. Baby and husband stayed home and my girlfriend and I made the trip together through the green vineyards and the rolling hills and the big grandfather oaks of the place where I live.

A moment of peacefulness and wellness to soak in so many colors and so much beauty.

Parked in the lovely downtown square in Sonoma, CA and hauled my 50 pound keyboard on its wheels with heels on over cobblestones to the venue, Murphy's Irish Pub. A cozy room, I was honored to be the special guest at their weekly open mic.

To play a show just to entertain, to laugh with friends and new friends, to be still with myself and the music, is a breath of fresh air, and helps me get my lungs back. Back from years of seemingly endless promoting, from a couple years of grieving a deep loss, and from the lovely hours of mommyhood of the last 7 months.

And of coarse, it is always awesome to get free food. (Fish tacos with fresh tomato salsa and fresh cole slaw, yummmmm.) You might as well know, I think that food is one of the main reasons to keep living!

Friends came, songwriter friends Dana and Forest and Julia who played some new songs for us. So good to be a part of this community. Thanks Sean and Marty for putting it on! I had a great time.

How it's been

2010-06-08T18:33:00.000-07:00

Since my little Otto died, I haven't written much music. It's like the wind got kicked out of me and it's tough to be in the vulnerable space that was so tender for writing. I'd feel guilty about it accept that there is no energy for that. Just surviving was good enough .

I was lucky to have Crepusculo to release and a project to focus on, cities to travel to, shows to play to get through the craziness of grief at that time. And my blogs and twitters and emails gave me things to focus on outside such pain. But they haven't told the whole picture. And now Luna is here. And I'm getting some legs under me, and I can be more honest.

And my heart is still so tender. So easy to cry when I hear the news about the war or pesticides that cause birth defects, or when I think back to the time Otto was here, and I realize now that this is my time to BE and heal. To watch butterflies in the garden, to play with books, to take in a big, gummy baby smile. To watch and feel music unfold in life. I think I'm baking, and I can't take out the new creations until they're ready to be taken out.

I love music, how a beat vibrates and moves me, how strings draw out my heart, how a good lyric can change my day, and it's nice to appreciate all the amazing work out there without just comparing myself to it, or wishing I'd written it. Just let myself be affected by it.

I hope for the music that comes in the near future to be free from needing to accomplish so much. Life really is short. I want to love it. I want my music to reflect that - the darkness and shadow of it, the light and joy of it. I'm a little intimidated to write when I have been through so much; how can I encapsulate that? I never know what is going to come out, and I suppose I just need to allow it, not plan what it should sound like. That never works anyway.

Thanks for being here for the walk of grief and joy and everything in between. Here we go.

Petracovich loves Whales in the Gulf

2010-06-06T22:05:00.001-07:00

LISTEN
They're Sperm Whales to be specific. They can reach 60 feet and are the largest and only endangered marine mammal in the Gulf.
They dive into deep waters, the cold and dark, finding squid to eat, and can stay under the surface for 45 minutes before resurfacing.

People are worried about them because they don't have babies very often, and even if 3 whales are killed due to the oil spill, it could wipe out this population. They were already in danger.

I asked a wise and trusted friend who is very connected to the earth how she is dealing with this spill, the emotion of so much damage. She said, "you have to let your heart break open again and again and again and again."

Sometimes there is so much sadness. Sometimes we hurt, badly hurt, people and things that we love and need. We do it without thinking, without knowing. But that doesn't undo it. So I'm letting myself be sad about this. Trying to be present for all the life there. To take responsibility but not dwell in guilt. To take heart, so all the beings there can take heart. How beautiful they are, this mama and baby.

Sperm whales sing to each other. The whales are also highly social creatures that stay in tight-knit groups for 10 or more years, and mothers typically rely on other adults to look after their young. Listen to their wonderful clicky voices here. Some sounds I think I'll sample!

Petracovich Loves Sea Turtles in the Gulf

2010-05-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

Sea Turtles of the Gulf

I once read that the oil in the earth is like her blood. And taking it out is like taking out her blood. And so, if that's true, she is hemorrhaging right now, bleeding into herself, dangerously.

I am so sad. It's not just the oil company's fault; everything I use is somehow related to oil, that's how it got to me, traveled far from China or Mexico or somewhere to my little store and into my hands. I drive a car.

And I am sorry. I'm sorry to the earth, the beautiful place I live, and my brothers and sisters who are fisherman, who are turtles, who are birds, who are fish, who are suffering now.

My thought is that if I think of them, send them my love, my best wishes, it will be something. And even better if I can use a little less, drive less, think more about all that I do.

Each week I'll post an article about a different being who is affected by the oil spill.

Any poetry, art, videos you have to share is welcome and will be posted here!

Thank you.

Jessica

Petracovich at Cornerstone Winery 4/3/10

2010-04-06T12:21:00.000-07:00

Beautiful tasting room, rich acoustics, and a wonderful glass of Pinot from the Grange Collective.
An audience who listens and laughs, old friends, a cold night with black sky and bright stars.

Got to sing a couple newsongs on the banjo, and tunes on the keys like You Waited For Me that hasn't been played at a live show before (just Max's wedding!)

First show after Luna has come! I missed her and that missing gave me a good heartfelt place to play from. Thanks to Drew Pearce who sets up these intimate house/winery shows.

Joe Rathbone's set was great, just guitar and vocals with no mics or amplifiers, such a natural way to hear music, he's a good performer and his songs have a good hook.

Thanks to all who came, and to new people I got to meet, including Sean and Marty who played awesome renditions of Chocolate Jesus and Folsom Prison with heart-string plucking blues harmonies. Loved it!

And thanks to Hillary for some powerful vocals and the sharing of a small secret we have in common...WESTMONT! Small world.

Goodbye Sparklehorse

2010-03-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

As I was about to record the very first Petracovich album in 2001 my friend and producer Tad Wagner popped the Sparklehorse album It's a Wonderful Life into the CD player of his Honda as we went to get lunch. First of all, I think I was sold on just hearing the name Sparklehorse. And the music...

It was a still moment, like when you find a dress that's just your color or see a perfect sit-down spot on a hike. The song "Its' Wonderful Life" is so slow, so patient, childlike, with words that make you remember moments from toddlerhood, with a tinge of the sadness of getting older. "I"m full of bees that died at sea," "I'm the dog that ate your birthday cake." I like the world of this song, I wanted to stay on the ride of it, like a nice but strange dream.

His music can be loud and rocking too, but always maintains an intimacy, a still place that it centers from. The poetry is full of animals and underthings, places, and holds the darkness of life right up to the edge of the beauty. Almost like the beauty hurts.

"good morning my child
stay with me a while
and evaporate in the sun
sometimes it can weigh a ton"
(From Gold Day)

Hearing that he (Mark Linkous) left this world on March 6th... I'm sad. Sad for whatever he had to deal with that was hard, I'm sad for the rest of us who don't get to hear more of his creations, I'm sad for his family. But I don't feel surprised. I think I'm still too much in the grief of my son to be surprised at death; maybe I'm more accepting of it now. It just makes me feel like we are lucky for the good moments we have, and we only have so many of them in this life.

I am grateful to have the music we have from Mark Linkous. Thanks for putting it out there, for giving it to us. It's a generous gift.

Full Moon

2010-02-27T21:15:00.000-08:00

Oh, full moon,
I see the white light on the patio
and step out into the cold air in sock feet before bed.
I see the big bare oak tree a few houses down, black branches against the sky,
I hear the voices of geese, flying in the bright of night, coming back north,
Talking to each other in the air.
I smell woodsmoke and see a cloud of it rise from my neighbor's house across the fence.
Inside it's another night of so much the same, the same quality of light,
the same walls and sounds of heater and fridge, the house shifting.
Outside it's air and breeze, insects, stars, forever.
It's the sacred moon tonight,
And even though only a few moments I've spent on the steps outside the kitchen,
I'll take them with me to bed
And imagine away the ceiling
To the world I belong to, that goes and lives and changes every second,
I'll see the big white moon lighting up the land
This one great night a month.

Musical Influences for Petracovich: Aimee Mann

2010-02-26T15:54:00.000-08:00

The first time I'd heard of her was in the back of Annie and Gary's toyota corolla, on the 101, headed for Largo in Hollywood, maybe somewhere around 2001..

"What's her name again?" I asked

They laughed and said "Aimee Mann".

Gary is pretty much single-handedly responsible for any knowledge I have of current music, and we trusted him enough to go to this concert without knowing the singer already.

I love Largo, tables right up close to the stage to see amazing artists. We had such great seats, and I was blown away by how much she could convey with so little effort, how she could BE up there and emanate what she meant without over-acting or over-singing. It was beautiful.

And on the way home to Carpinteria, I listened to the songs with new ears, and had a whole new inspiration. And I thought about writing differently. I wanted things to fit together so carefully and yet flow so well, wanted the words to make good shapes in my mouth, to like the way my mouth felt singing them.

I was listening to a few of her albums today and thinking, she is one of the best songwriters ever. As my husband puts it, she knows how to turn a phrase. Her melodies, her wit, and the craft of placing all the elements together so well are pretty much impeccable.

If you haven't listened, please do. If you don't like it at first, keep listening. She's one of the best ever.

Some of my favorite songs:
Save Me
That's Just What You Are
It's Not

For Otto and Luna

2010-02-19T22:53:00.001-08:00

What is real?
Feeling popular? Thin? Getting big checks? Lots of people in a room who say your name at the door before they get their wrist stamped and their ID's out? Feeling successful? Trying so hard, trying so hard?
Or bees in the grass
Or my baby's hands while she is nursing, wrapping around themselves like a prayer, swaying around like a celebration, loving this pure food, just loving.
The shadows from the trees on the living room floor
Pictures of my son, my beloved gone one,
My broken heart,
My heart so full.
I feel like being quiet
And letting all these things be.
I feel like letting go of branding
and being interesting
and loud and passionate and funny.
I feel like going into the lacy dark hold of being one who brought life forward
And let life go;
I feel like giving up
And giving into this full hearted love
This simplest wish
to be a mama.
Let all songs sing from here.
Let them come when they come.
Let them wrap themselves around
Like the sweet pea vines I planted
And I'll hold out my arms for them
And watch them curl and grow
From this happier place.
To be a mom who holds things in her mind and heart
even when she can't get them to the page or the piano
I feel like not trying so hard
And being happy.

My daughter Luna

2010-02-11T13:48:00.000-08:00

I just realized, now that she is 12 weeks old, that I never posted a birth announcement on the blog!

So here it is: LUNA IS BORN!!! And healthy and doing so well. I'm sooooo happy. She was born on November 18th, 2009 and cried right away, given to my arms to hold and kiss and never give up.

It has been so healing to have her. She looks like her brother, Otto, and this makes me miss him so much and yet, it gives me a chance to love him some more, and talk to him when I talk to her. She's a happy baby, we spend most of our time together. I sing to her all the time, songs that go:

Luna, luna luna baloona, luna luna luna baboona, luna luna lovely luna Luna halleluna.

The melodies are great, and I think the lyrics are pretty cool too.

I've played piano for her and she kicks and smiles and cries. She's amazing.

I'll be learning how to arrange things so I can write music and take care of her, and I'm not worried about how it will work out, because my heart is so full. I'm used to years of waking up with anxiety, a little melancholy, and now I wake up to a laughing little one who I love so much. It's quite a change.

I thank her for changing my view of life, of the sun, the grass, the clouds. She gets very quiet and observant when we go outside, the built in appreciation of the sacred earth. I love her wonderment and passion over the simplest things in life: eating, and being together.

Much more about her soon.

Much love to you all!
Jessica and Ryan and Otto Luna and

This Paper Boat

2010-02-07T10:51:00.001-08:00

This Paper Boat
by Ted Kooser

Carefully placed upon the future,
it tips from the breeze and skims away,
frail thing of words, this valentine,
so far to sail. And if you find it
caught in the reeds, its message blurred,
the thought that you are holding it
a moment is enough for me.
------------------------------------

This poem feels so much like life to me...so easily blown into places we don't expect. Bringing us to people we didn't think we'd know, and love, and then at the end, let go. I don't know about you, but I often ask why I'm here. And why we love so much just to have to let everything we love go at the end? Somehow this poem uses just the right words for me to feel satisfied for a moment about being a paper boat on water, my message blurred, and held for a moment by someone I love.

Petracovich Opening for Nick Flynn - The Ticking is the Bomb

2010-01-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

Last night, with my 10 week baby in tow - Ryan and I packed the car and headed for the city of San Francisco, to play some banjo tunes to start off Nick Flynn's reading of his new book, The Ticking is the Bomb.

After 4 months of nesting (and wonderful months they have been) it was exciting to drive over the Golden Gate bridge and to the Zen Center for the reading, to see the bright lights of the city over the Bay.

We were greeted with smiles by Susan, a warm woman from the Zen Center, and Nick himself, with a big smile and hug. We met him several years ago on tour, in Tucson, where he happened to be at a show. We've kept in touch through email, and it's a great compliment to me that he's listened to the music while writing, since his books have inspired songs of mine as well. (Particularly Heaven Help the Day from Crepusculo was inspired by his amazing memoir Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.)

After nursing Luna I grabbed the banjo, headed up to the stage, tuned and started to sing. Eyes closed, relaxed, happy to get to be doing what I love, I thought of the full moon outside, I thought of my son Otto and my daughter Luna, I thought, "I just want to be in this place, of contentment with the world."

The people in the audience quieted, and listened. And this is rare and always feels wonderful and kind, to be able to present a song from my heart to people who accept it gracefully. Thank you! I think I should always play for literary Buddhists. It's a change from the bar scene.

To play for my little girl, see her in the audience, sitting thoughtfully in her daddy's lap, brought me straight to the center of my happy heart. She makes me so happy, everything else is just extra, and I can really enjoy it.

Nick Flynn read from his new book, about his upcoming fatherhood (his daughter is now 2) and the torture of Abu Ghraib. He was writing about Abu Ghraib when his daughter was conceived, and the two experiences ran together, opening up new places in his heart, of love and fear, which informed the stories he heard from those who survived torture. I can't WAIT to read it.

For someone who has gone through much loss and disappointment in life, he is a sparkly person, a warm person, someone I admire for his keep-goingness in life as well as his story-telling.

And so went my first outing as a second-time mama, and I'm so glad we rallied to do it.

Petracovich Mockingbird on Melrose Place 12/8/09

2009-12-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Listen to
Mockingbird (free)

This song is featured on the 12/8 episode of Melrose Place in the scene where a dude breaks up with his woman to pursue his career. Who knew a sweet lullaby about a bird would mingle with Hollywood?

So, mockingbirds get their name because they imitate sounds they hear, like phones or tools or other birds. They're pretty cool. Could you do me a favor and imitate them? Retweet my tweets about this? Woohoo we'll get the word out!

Echoes of songs: PHASE ONE of writing

2009-11-16T18:58:00.000-08:00

After I finish an album, there is an intimidating space.
I've talked and written about and played and played the last album,
and there is only silence ahead for the next.
Every time I wonder , "How did I do that?", and then I remember.
I went into the garden and stared.
I stared, for the hours I set aside for music, as long as I needed to.
To get over the fear, to be in the space, to stop trying.
To let things float in.
This time, I wait for my baby to come.
I have hours to spend, with tiredness, dreaminess, tears, contractions that pull me into a deep dark.
I remember to lift off the pressure of writing anything "usable".
Just sound
Just play.
And of course, press record.

I just worked on a piece, the piano sounding loud in G, singing, singing.
and then stopped to drink water and pay some bills.
As I answered an email, the song comes back to me in echoes,
It echoes like a distant siren, music from inside another house.
And I want to open it again, and add to it.
I am happy that I remembered how to do this!
The biggest and most joyous part of writing,
Letting ideas evaporate off of me, without my mind involved at all.
The first phase, just letting it out.

Touching Review from the Feminist Review

2009-11-12T16:33:00.000-08:00

Feminist Review
The Feminist Review is a great bunch of writers and editors from around the world who review books, albums, by communities that remain on the margin. I'm really liking their recommendations and am honored to be included in their reviews. This one brought tears to my eyes, it's hard for me to hear about others' losses, to know that they keep going in the world. But I am so honored to be any part of a healing process for that. Feels good.

PETRACOVICH - CREPUSCULO

It’s a treasure to stumble upon new music that for one reason or another resonates deeply within you. I selected Crepusculo after learning that Petracovich singer Jessica Peters Malmberg had made the album while pregnant, and then tragically lost her son shortly after he was born. Grieving a recent miscarriage myself, Crepusculo did for me what only those rare special albums can: it comforted me, let me cry, helped me heal, and taught me to create a place in my heart for what I had lost.

Crepusculo (Spanish for “twilight”) utilizes the standard drums, guitar, and bass setup and is richly textured with a multitude of other instruments, including piano, cello, trumpet, harmonium, and banjo. Described as folk pop, this latest album from Petracovich accomplishes an earthiness that brings each song to life. The songs are powerful, thanks to masterful lyrics and Malmberg’s stunning voice that is at times soaring and smooth and later hushed and reverent.

“Heaven Help the Day” is the opening track, and it begins with an upbeat piano that propels the song to a quick crescendo. It’s a perfect match for the empowering lyrics about an absent father. Malmberg warns the father to beware coming back to the family, and if he does, she sings “I’d make you love me then I’d leave you all alone.” A compelling and driving banjo opens “Sleep It Off/Lie Down,” in which Malmberg sings out a challenge to “try to make me unsad/just try making me glad.” It’s a song that wonderfully depicts embracing sadness and revels in the beauty of fully experiencing human emotion.

While Crepusculo undeniably deals with painful losses, the beauty of the album is that there’s a sense of lightness and fun throughout the record. For example, in “San Rafael,” Malmberg dreamily imagines floating above traffic and “over dew and honey grass and sleeping deer; over rollers, hills with backs like dinosaurs.” A sense of whimsy threads itself through many of the songs.

What the music in this album accomplishes is a spirit of graciousness. It’s a snapshot of what it means to be alive, and that is a welcome solace. Crepusculo is an album for everyone that offers an unforgettable joy listening to each song as it magically unfolds.

Review by Beverly Jenkins-Crockett

Comment on Review HERE

Secret Songsketch: You Waited For Me

2009-11-09T15:37:00.000-08:00

Download You Waited For Me

I wrote this song for Max's wedding, ( Max, the excellent drummer for Petracovich.) It was an honor to be asked to play, and to write a song for your friend that isn't total cheese is no easy task, but I love how it turned out.

This tune a mix of inspirations of Max and Ashley's 10 years and my own love story (I met my husband in Europe when in a wheelchair and he was the crazy guy climbing on everything.) It's all done on one mic on my home piano, captures a summer moment, and all my gratefulness for my dear love. Free DOWNLOAD

Heather, the wonderful cellist, and I played it on a beautiful July day in the redwoods with speakers 100 feet up the trees, the sounds coming down from the heavens, it was like fairyland.

Secret Words - Going to the Ocean

2009-10-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

I wish I were going to the ocean today
To put my feet in water too cold for skin
And feel the expanse of breathing out forever

The gray sky going and going,
The spray on my face, telling me things
My heart seems to understand but not my mind,

Inviting me in, wanting me, and the baby inside.
I'd stand on the edge of the S shaped curve
And back away when it surges towards us,

The foam gentle on my feet
and nothing more powerful just yards away and down,
a growling undertow like a mama tiger.

Jessica Peters Malmberg

Secret Songsketch: Heartbeat

2009-10-14T10:19:00.000-07:00

Download tune

The view outside my window changes every day as the Fall comes in.
Time with music to dream.
Time with a little baby in my belly.

I'd like to share these sketches as they come, rather than keep them hidden for so long.
And with them, the view outside my window,
and a couple of snapshots into life at the time.

The drum sounds feel like heartbeats to me, and I'm spending a lot of time listening to my baby's heartbeat these days, and she listens to mine. The beginning of our lives are all to the tune of the wonderful, thuddy rhythm of our mama's hearts. It felt very comforting to go into these sounds at this time of my life, 34 weeks pregnant.

New Video: Waterhouse

2009-10-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

Director Jared Ingram shot this video for Petracovich a few years ago. He says "the song made me think of rain - the kind that starts with a few drops on the ground. And you wonder, is it raining? Did I just feel something? Then it starts to pour and you run for cover. And before you know it, the rain is gone. The sun comes out. And you just wanna take a nap."

The song, Waterhouse (from Petracovich's first album, Blue Cotton Skin) comes from a dream I had, of being a house, that was slowly filling up with water. It was a peaceful feeling, of blue coming in, taking out all of the contents, and then the house itself floating away. Being dismantled slowly and unemotionally.

I found the kalimba, an African thumb piano, to bring the mood of metal and wood, plunky like water falling, and Andrew Gikaumakus on the drums, big and hollow. Tad Wagner produced the tune.

My Dad is a photographer, but I'm still camera shy, and having several cameras at once, oooh, I had to really center myself. I sang along, at various speeds of the music, some slowed down, some speeded up, so Jared could edit with different speeds. It was a good challenge, fun, a little out of my comfort zone to be on camera, but that's always good. And Jared's a great director, low key, able to see the funny.

We started the shoot, the paint drippers started dripping from above, little tongues of cool paint hitting my hair, and then growing in globules and dumpings, it tasted chalky, a little stingy in the eyes, but kind of freeing just to let it happen, to get it all over me and act like it was the most normal thing.

And then, go to the bathroom, wash it out of my hair in a cold-water sink, and do it all over again for more footage!

I loved Jared's ideas, the washed out lighting, the use of color as a main theme, the drops that fall in time to the music.

When I went to the salon to get my hair cut, they said, "WHAT did you do to your hair?" It's all worth it for the glory of show biz.

Live on KCRW, Please Welcome, Petracovich!

2009-09-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

(Watch the whole performance of Petracovich performing on KCRW's Morning Becomes Eclectcic at petracovich.com)

A thrill and honor to play on the piano Nina Simone played, in the studio that all our heroes have played songs. To play with a band of great musicians and friends.

We all met the day before, in Simi Valley at our friend Jako's studio to practice up

We crashed in Santa Monica, the Pacific Sands Motel in the family room, 3 double beds lined up in a row, bringing to mind Goldylocks, a good giggle, some last minute cereal, a walk on the pier, and then, tossing and turning...

Alarm, heart race, get dressed, we got to the meeting place ON TIME, it's happening! A beautiful, smoothe piano, an amazingly skilled and knowledgible sound person, Ray, so calm and comfortable, we set up and waited.

The studios are underground, the air is cool, there are rooms and rooms of NPR people, and it's clean and organized, different than the college stations we usually hang out at! Even tea and coffee!

And soon, there were 15 seconds to take-off.

Deep breath, and play.

The interview with Jason Bentley was so grounded, he asked such touching questions and was able to handle the conversation about my son, and the music now. I think he's so good at what he does, and seems to have a warm heart. I really appreciated that.

Play some more, the guys sound SOO great! Max Diez on the drums, Tad Wagner on guitar, Cliff Hayes on bass, we had a blast playing together. I'm so proud and amazed at their skills.

We had a celebration lunch of giddiness afterward, so happy that it was GOOD and done, and went to the pool for a good cool-off swim and slept before the show that night at Silverlake Lounge.

Tour Diary: Driving home from LA, 8/11/09

2009-09-24T15:21:00.001-07:00

We woke up from the end of the Crepusculo So. Cal tour on the floor of dear Angela's lovely bungalow and headed off for breakfast with another dear friend, J. Michael Walker, an LA artist/painter/photographer/writer, to see his studio and talk. Beautiful work of saints and women as they are: powerful, strong within, beautiful in the older stages.

Here we go on the road, endless straight and sandy flats around us - with some David Sedaris weaving in and out of my half dreams, Max and Ryan's talks about music, so sleepy, hot in the back seat when it's 105 outside... we need gas, and ..HALELUJAH!!! Organs play, streams of light, my pregnant self spots a FOSTERS FREEZE... not only cold, but ice cream, glory be, ice cream!! And a place to sit and eat it. This is a celebration, as you can easily see from these glamorous photos. (normally I'm a Double Rainbow gal, but I5 changes everything.)

A few more hours up the 5 and we turn west on the 580 and start to feel the Bay - the moistness, the cooling. It goes from 105 to 68 in about an hour and a half. We tearfully drop off drummer Max to his lovely home in Berkeley and his amazing wife Ashley, and head into FOG.

Fog that is most welcome after blazing sun.

This is a train in Richmond as we sat in a bit of traffic getting on the Richmond Bridge.

Home, for now.

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Tour Diary - LA and Hotel Cafe - 8/10/09

2009-09-15T10:04:00.000-07:00

I have come to love Los Angeles - the orange and pink houses in echo park, colorful murals in silverlake, food of all ethnicities, art everywhere, bungalows, apartments named something oceany with cursive writing. Even goats and chickens in yards 10 min. from downtown.

It is overcoming the feeling of desperate need to make it here, the glitz and over-acting with guitar, the head shots and sadness. There is a lot of heart as well, there is a lot of everything.

We made it down from Santa Barbara after eating a WONDERFUL healthy meal cooked by my friend Maya, and headed to Hotel Cafe , beautifully rennovated since I was last there, all candles and lovely tables, and a lot more room.

I've played here before and know that, like most clubs in LA, you have to work really hard to get people out. It's so easy to play to an empty room, even after promoting, and it was a Monday night. I geared up for anything - 4 people, 40, we'll have a good time and do our best.

Thank you thank you to all of you who answered our call to spread the word, because we had a FULL ROOM!
Thank you for driving, for telling friends, for making it happen. It felt wonderful.

My sister Grace Peters joined us on harmonium and vocals, and sounded so beautiful. It was so special to have her there singing and adding sweetness and life. A 4 piece with Tad on guitar, Max on drums and me doing my thing, it was a wonderful way to end this leg of the tour. Thanks for making a little dream come true, thanks for being there LA!!!

Adrina Griffin started the show with her CD release. She called me about a week before the show and told me she'd be playing, strange because we were roommates about 11 years ago, playing on the same house piano. Small world.

Alex and Sam played just before us, and I loved their tunes, easy and smooth, well-played, it felt great to be sharing the bill with them.

Angela Correa is one of my favorite songwriters, and she was letting it go with her great band, singing high and low and full of fire. Her new album, Spark, Burn, Fade, is on itunes. (She also let us sleep at her house and fed me tofu so I quench my amazing, endless ability to eat for two.)

So nice to talk to so many people after the show, to meet some that have been listening a long time and just now made it out. To hang out with my sister Grace and be silly, to bask in the glow of a night that went so well. The sound was awesome, the crowd listening, it was a lovely culmination of work and time and driving.

Thank you to the club for being so professional and smooth, for having us down. We had a blast!

Tour Diary: Santa Barbara - Return to Old Home 8/8/09

2009-09-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

After a lovely family breakfast in Visalia,we squeezed into the car, crossed the grapevine, ate burritos in a mexican restaurant with yellow walls and red seats, we landed in Santa Barbara, CA, the town where we lived for 12 years before moving to the Bay Area, 7 hours north.

Lovely to be back in the ocean breeze, bouganvillea, mountains against the sea and home of the Miramar Hotel.

Tad Wagner joined us tonight on guitar. He produced the first two albums of Petracovich (blue cotton skin and We Are Wyoming) , and played guitars and various atmospheres on all of them, and added SUCH great flavor to the show. I've always wanted to have him join the live performance and it's FINALLY happened and just as great as I thought. We played at the Mercury Lounge, purple walls, couches for lounging, great vibe and great people. The great college indie station KCSB sponsored the show. THANK YOU KCSB!! (this photo by Chris Mundell)

I had a virtual beer with many old friends, since I can't drink anything these days, but felt giddy on the goodness of seeing smiling eyes.

The SPIRES opened the show, a great trio whose melodies blend shimmers of the Smiths, the Beatles and their own enthusiastic foot-tapping. Their new sound and album are pleasing to ear and heart. They're good people too, I always just like chatting with them, catching up. Plus they let me borrow their cushy drum stool to sit on.

We had a blast playing for a great crowd, thank you all so much for coming out, bringing friends, driving, long distances to be there. We loved playing for you.

Ted Mills wrote a great interview/review with Petracovich for the Santa Barbara News Press. You can read it here.

You Are This Perfect - Story Behind the Song

2009-09-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

Listen

The Nord Lead sprouted this song - a rhythmic pattern of smooth, round tones. I recorded a couple of passes just lost in its world, in the key of F. Months later, I came back to it, excited to put the headphones on, sit in front of the mic and see what images came.

Set - bus full of students in France, the end of a semester-long trip to Europe, 6am. I look into a quiet pink sunrise and see a plane flying over fields - and then, bloop, bloop, bloop, para-troopers silently pop out of the plane and float down.

This scene came strongly to my mind as I listened to the music, and then it was as though I was one of them - a dad, a plain ol' guy, in a war, jumping out of a plane, there because he had to be, noticing a sunrise, thinking of his family, his child. The world still turning, sun still rising, normally, whatever the humans had cooked up, whatever dangers and sadnesses, the dawn still beautiful, the dew still touching fields, the clouds still beautiful with sunrise. In my mind's eye, this dad was waiting in line, singing in his heart to his boy before he flies.

My husband's grandfather was shot in the air in WWII, his daughter in her mama's belly, never to meet him. I thought of her as I sang this song, of this man, a dear man, fighting in this big war, who'd rather be home. It brought tears as the song came out.

I recorded it in Portland, pregnant, and couldn't get through the vocals without breaking down. John Askew, recording, was so kind and patient, letting me cry, thinking of ways to get through the song, to be in that space and still sing. I stayed where I was, and with a powerful mic, let the notes and words come out in a whisper, in that sadness and love.

A few months later I would be singing it to my boy, my sweet son, Otto. It seemed that all along it was written for him, for us. In the end, it was me, the parent, who would stay and my boy who would be the one moving into the next world. But me falling into land-mines just the same. Otto left us at dawn, and it was peaceful and sacred, just like the song. It is his song now. And I love getting to sing it to him with love and softness, a moment between us, wherever he is now, that tenderness will always be with me.

My baby boy
Drifting on the world I
Think of you as I
Fall into landmines

Baby boy
I think of your soft hair
I'm floating through morning
To touch on the fields

You are this perfect
The morning sun shines on the dew
Of the flowers

It's just a morning
It's just a sunrise
If it is my last one
I would have you close to me.

Tour Diary - Visalia - Music Scene Gone Wild

2009-08-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

(Well, place of my mom and grandparents for a few decades.)

Ry and I got to walk around Berkeley this morning, full of fuscias and bouganvillea and easy sun. Packed up the car with 3 adults, full drum kit, keys, harmonium, there was not a spare inch. The guys figured it out - a masterpiece of packing.

As a kid this was my favorite part of the drive - windmills - part robot, part poetry on golden hillsides. I5 is full of flat land with awesome geometry of farm stuff.

We get to Visalia, a nice 80 degrees, a little early, and head over for a walk to the 99cent store. At the perfect moment, when my mood was dipping a little low (tired/pregnant/long drive/missing Otto) this sang came wafting through air-conditioned speakers: Turn on Your Heart Light . Cheesy but teary, I knew it was just for me. My sister Jody used to put it on the record player when we were little, and sang it passionately. Maybe it was my boy telling me to keep my chin up, and I made an effort, and Ryan and Max being pretty silly helped. And the lady in front of me buying a romance called Truly, Madly, Viking helped too. Sexy.

We played at Howie and Sons, a pizza place that's been around forever with a great stage in the game room. Visalia has an amazing music scene, thanks to Aaron Gomes of Sound n Vision who realized that most touring bands pass through the area from SF to LA, and has created a great new bunch of venues to play at for local and traveling artists. I so admire people who put so much work into making something possible - for listeners, for players, and it's grown and grown. So great for us to show up in a town we've never played and have 60 people in the room listening, just because they're into music. Yes!

The drums and piano bass filled the room, a nice thump after our quiet SF radio set the night before. And we got to eat a ton of pizza which is nice for a certain food-obsessed pregnant woman who plays piano.

It was an all-ages show, and I loved hearing their voices and questions: my favorite as we started "Others" with it's nord synths: "Daddy, how does she make that SOUND?" Made me happy.

This is Aaron and Aaron, played a great couple of tunes to open the show, nice rhythms, melodies, atmospheres.

Whiskey and the Devil Chaplain finished off the night with some foot-stomping good times and their CD release.

Tour Diary - San Francisco's Pirate Cat Radio

2009-08-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

Listen (scroll forward a few min)

Thursday, August 6th - Back home from the northwest, Ryan and I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge to San Francisco for a gig at Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9 fm. Max met us there after a short hop from Berkeley.

It's in a cafe that also includes a radio station, independent and full of personality, a couch, a piano, and espresso with donuts of the bacon flavor if so desired.

We set up and played a quiet group of songs - there's some sound ordinance issues, Max had to play the drums like gramma was sleeping next door, so we shifted to the situation and it still came out nice. You got to be flexible.

Listen to our set here. To hear us, scroll forward about 5 min.

I was little melancholy this night. It was the beginning of August, and we drove near UCSF where Otto was treated, almost a year ago. It brought many sensory memories back. This is his birthday month, and we miss him so much. Strange to drive by the places we made ourselves walk to get some air, the same time of night, same time of year when our hearts were so blasted. And the earth keeps turning, and he is still with us.

And the hearing the drums helps, and singing helps, and I think that both my babies like rocking out, they like when their mama is happy. The little one in utero sleeps when we play! I think Max will have to come over whenever it's naptime and play her to sleep.

Tour Diary - Eugene Eugene, Sweetest Town I Ever Seen 7/31/09

2009-08-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

It was wonderful to wake up with sister Jody and eat some of the blueberries she'd picked. I'd never really tasted a blueberry till these big round ones from Corvalis. Ummm, good.

We got to meet John Askew for breakfast, he produced and recorded our album Crepusculo last year, and talked of touring, the work, the heartbreak and good friends, the life, how there's no one way to do things, with music and life. Max and I both felt inspired and grounded after talking. Overall: enjoy life, do what you love if you can, don't think too much about it all. Be here, present, as much as you can.

Fit in a nap and a swim, and off to Eugene for a live radio performance. But oh no, wait, what is this? the 405 is a parking lot at 1:45? Why aren't we moving? Jessica starting to panic, Max trying to keep them calm, Jessica starting to say bad words, blood pressure rising, we need to be at KLCC in Eugene at 3:45, and we've gone 5 miles in 40 min. Hmm, not good. We call, our live interview and playing becomes a phone interview and.. phew, embarrassing but the interview was great - awesome to speak to such a professional.

Had a wonderful, healthy dinner with friends in their wooded home before heading to the Wandering Goat to load in. We got directions and got lost pretty soon afterward, switched to the beloved iphone for help. A mysterious bridge came up as we became a few minutes late, a bridge leading to a highway instead of our road, and I took it! Adventure! Got off the highway to another highway, leading to a good 15 min. of more lostness. When we finally found our bearings, got to the venue, we were greeted with the lowering of white boards and flashing red lights, and the long, loud whistle of a slow train a'comin. 20 feet from the venue, we waited another 5 or more minutes for the train to cross.

Jessica: blood pressure rising. Max: it's all ok, it'll be fine. Enter Wandering Goat, find sound guy, and he says, "Oh, I didn't think you'd be here so early."

My husband laughed and laughed as I related the story. "SEE!" He says. I hate being late and I was late twice that day. Lesson thoroughly rubbed in.

I loved playing this show to wonderful, listening, friendly people. Cliff came down and joined Max and I for a nice set. We got a lovely review called "Wistful Grace" in Eugene Weekly. The next band, Dead Western was haunting, sad, pretty, strange. Please listen - Max and I both bought their vinyl recordings, a pleasure to sit and be lulled and searched by these slow tunes. A good group of guys, talented and kind.

My friend Jenny, loyal Eugene Petracovich fan!

On home (well, our friend's home) through the woods with a nearly full moon, and the promise of home tomorrow.

Next day, passing Mt. Shasta in CA

Tour Diary - Portlandia

2009-08-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

We left my dear cousin Alex in Seattle, after a walk around their neighborhood and breakfast at a bakery, holding my ears as the Blue Angels made circle after circle around us. Loud FAST. Got a walk in before it was unbearable outside - in by 10am and still already sweaty. Alex's dog kept flopping down in the shade, refusing to go any further before a nice rest.

The drive to Portland was smooth - no traffic! No sitting for an hour in 105 with ac only working 30 sec at a time! Hallelujah! We met Cliff - awesome bass player - first to practice before the show. This great house was under a beautiful water tower. Felt like a fairy land because it makes you small.

Off to Berbati's - load in, hot, set up, hot, eat dinner, nice breeze outside. My wonderful sister Jody came to meet us and help with everything. The club was big and beautiful, the sound clear

I read the review in the Mercury, and was stunned for a bit. It's the best review Petracovich has gotten from this often snide paper. But it was the first time I'd seen my son Otto's name in print, and it hit me hard in a way I didn't expect, melding worlds - this big glitzy club, me as a performer, me as a mama with a broken heart. I didn't know how to combine them. I'm glad I'm telling his story, this beautiful boy, but it's also an intense thing to share, to put out there, and then go on stage. There's no right way to do it.

So I had a good cry, and then went up and played. Max and Cliff made a full sound, when they first came in, a smile came over me, and it was fun from then on out. (Including the last 30 sec. of a tune where the Nord slowly fell onto my main piano and I played only with my left hand) We fixed it. Read the Oregonion review of the show here

The show started much later than we were told - thanks to dear friends who came and waited! I thought it would be earlier too. Carcrashlander played a beautiful set - I love Cory's tunes, and all the players - the trumpet takes the cake.

Speaking of cake - Voodoo donuts is right next door and I got my first taste - they make these delectables in all sorts of shapes and sizes - all SORTS. We were fairly tame with these...I'll be adding more shots of petracovich on-stage in a couple days. Check in!

Tour Diary - Seattle Crazy Hot

2009-07-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

I heard someone say it was the hottest day in the history of Seattle. I haven't looked it up but I'm going with it. Challenging, yes. But not as much for me as the people who've never felt this before - a little grouchy! A look of panic in the eyes...

Cooled down a little at night, though we finished our set pretty damp, everyone hugging each other lightly with tacky skin and beaded-sweat foreheads. The Beautiful Clarks were as great as I thought they'd be, solid songs, mellow but strong playing. Amanda Skylar Burlesonhttp://www.myspace.com/amandaburleson was beautiful too - piano and guitar tones, lovely voice. It was a wonderful bill.

Pretty Seattle sunset as the smog hangs around.

We had a fun time playing once we got going, the hard part is setting up in the heat. Playing is always fun. Great crowd, real listeners, friends, family, new people, all kind people.

I love being in a town I don't live in...traveling. It's so much easier to notice people - a man walking into a church with a slow limp, the guy in the ice cream truck blasting music with a good beat in a language i don't know, mamas walking their babies down the sidewalk, it's all more poignant. And the trees are different here - more firs, more types I don't know about, all blended together in a way i'm not used to, it's refreshing.

We're playing in Eugene on the radio live on Friday! KLLC are the call-letters - on at 4:15 you can listen live! More later. Much love, thanks for all your support and orders and hugs.

Jessica and Max

Amazing clouds yesterday in the 110 degree heat - we used the iphone for an ap that finds ice cream - so Baskin Robins in Centralia - mint chip of coarse - a great stop, a treat, finding our way around a little town, sorta broken down but with charm.

Tour Diaries - Salem! 105!

2009-07-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

We had a beautiful drive, 11 hours to Salem in clear blue sky weather. Seemed all good in the car but we watched the temp climb to 110 in some places. Good old subaru held up, good girl.

We had a blast playing for the good people in Salem, sitting in an un-air-conditioned cafe, in the heat, and waiting for us to play. They sweated it out, and clapped and sang, and we drank iced water and laughed at drenched shirts but did good.

E asterly is one of my favorite bands, Noah's gorgeous voice, the sweet melodies, the rocking drums and bass make it such a pleasure to be around. Thanks so much for playing!

Off now to Seattle, eating apples, pretzels, talking about social media and food and Obama in the car. Good times.

Carcrashlander - Playing with us in Portland

2009-07-27T11:58:00.001-07:00

Listen

This band was one of the few I could really listen to in the months of deep sadness this past year. Cory Gray is the main songwriter/singer, and he gets to a place that's deep and rumbling but gentle. Gets to an underneath place and then speaks softly but firmly, of what's there. It's dark but not dramatic, it's like a foggy night and you can hear a rock band in the distance. Piano, textured synth, tasteful bass and rumbly drums, it's my kind of sound.

Indieville.com says Carcrashlander treats us to "sprawling, artistic indie rock that is awash in atmosphere and melody... the real treat is the strolling build Driveway, which brings a sublimely pretty pop haze to a soaring climax."

Cory plays piano on the album, he also plays the trumpet and various horns. When we recorded Crepusculo in Portland with John Askew producing/recording, he recommended this horn player to come add some parts. His name sounded really familiar to me, and after a few days I figured it out - we'd taken piano lessons together as kids in Santa Rosa, CA, many years before! It was great to see him again, both of us all growns up, still playing our tunes, remembering those highschool days, and in Portland at the same time.

Come check them out this Thursday July 30th in Portland at Berbati's Pan with Petracovich!
If you know Portland peeps, tell them about the show, send them along!
Petracovich tour dates

Tour Diary! Santa Rosa - Last Record Store

2009-07-26T13:24:00.001-07:00

So much fun at the Last Record Store on Saturday in my home town, Santa Rosa. Great turn out, awesome store where you can find any CD, record of your taste, and Amber Lee played some awesome acordian and sang beautifully.

My favorite part were the dancing kids up front. I'd open my eyes and see these little guys with their arms up and swirling all around, or tapping their knees and letting it all out. Just feeling it! Thanks to all you little ones who danced and showed us all your freedom and inspiration! Gave a very festive feel.

I'm having so much fun playing with Max. It's been almost 3 years now that we've played together and it's feeling so full and easy, the drums make so much energy. I love it!

We leave Tuesday for Salem, and today I'm getting ready for the long 9 hour drive - Trader Joes snacks, books on CD, music, what else?

And I'm promoting promoting promoting. If you have friends in these towns, send them along!

Jessica

Seattle Show July 29th: The Beautiful Clarks and Amanda Burleson

2009-07-23T12:13:00.000-07:00

Joining me in Seattle on July 29th at Tost Lounge:
The Beautiful Clarks (Listen)

Lovely, mellow and full of heart alt-country tunes. Damien Jurado and Rosie Thomas, sing on their album. Here's a live review from Three Imaginary Girls

Given that it was a Tuesday night, I expected the Sunset to be at least a bit subdued. To my surprise, I walked into a nearly full venue and a crowd of animated show goers. Of a four-band bill, I must concede that the Clarks were the draw for me...

Fittingly enough, Hatcher began the Beautiful Clarks set with "Bended Knee." He played it solo, just his voice and a lap steel. Wearing overalls and spectacles, sporting a well-coiffed mustache, he looks the part of a southern gent. His voice is soulful beyond his years, still clear and strong. The rowdy venue was nearly silent throughout the song...

Hatcher's lyrics created landscapes, ones full of longing and heartache. He sings of "barges singing" and perfectly evokes fall with a simple description of "red and yellow leaves." The line "how I lied to you" was delivered with a mischievous grin. Rather than seeming sinister, it's simply comical; Hatcher's face made it clear he couldn't resist smiling. His voice rolls across that line like a drunken confession. The accompaniment matched each picture in tone and soul. My plus one pointed out there were no tuners onstage; Sparks and Hatcher simply bend the strings to arrive at the right note.

And Amanda Burleson (Listen)

Softly floating, poetic and soothing. Her influences are listed as

The Zeitgeist of childhood, loneliness, boredom, heartbreak, drunkenness, stupor, love and surrender. Musically speaking: Bjork, Thom Yorke, Satie, Daniel Johnston, Brian Eno, Cranes, Nina Simone, Elliott Smith, Jeff Buckley, Sol Seppy, etc.

Boy Who Was Caught - Story Behind the Song

2009-07-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

Listen

Driving home from a northwest tour, we were coming down an Oregon mountain on 101, a summery pretty day, and started passing cops on the side of the road, looking for something in the grass. We thought it was curious, started paying attention. After 2 or 3 of them we saw a big line-up of police cars with flashing lights, the freeway closed, and a bunch of police with their guns drawn, pointing to the middle of the road, just as we passed, a young man, 16 or 17 years old, in front of a beat-up car that had run into the middle barrier, throws his hands up and falls to his knees.

The look on his face: terror, sadness, childhood.

To see such a turning point, such a vulnerable, awful moment for another human, tore me up. I couldn't help but cry it out, write it down, want to help him. I don't know what had happened, what he was involved with, if he'd done something bad.

But at that moment I just wanted to help him know it would be ok.

The song came together in the weeks after that and I recorded it at home and it was put on the shelf for a few years. And on one of those listening sessions I do sometimes, that covers songs I've recorded at home over a few years, I found it again, and it got to me, I wanted it out in the open.

I sing it for that young man, for myself in times when you feel like you can't get lower, that there's always a way up again. Things shift up, they shift down, this can always be counted on.

There's a good human element in us I think, that when we share such an intense moment with someone, we keep a part of that person with us always, we bond with them, even if we never know them or see them again, our paths have crossed in a way we'll remember. I hope he's ok. Send him some good thoughts.

Lyrics
To the boy who was caught
Crashed the car and gave up
I saw your face
As you fell to your knees

I don’t know what you did
I saw them look for something
I saw them in the grass
I cried for miles after
Just like your mama will

To the boy who gave up
In the Oregon sun
With the red shining lights
And the dogs waiting by

I don’t care what you did
I saw them pointing their guns
I saw your arms raised high
I cried for miles after
Just like your mama will
Oh Boy don’t give up

Music verse and chorus

To the child who was trapped (double octave)
Guns at your back
It’s not your last
Chance

Why’d you do what you did?
You’ve fallen hard upon the pavement
The sun is shining kind upon you
Let it go, take it off, take it off here
Spread it out on the ground , it feels good
To GIVE UP

We leave Tuesday, July 29th for Salem and the Northwest! A new tour!
View our tour dates here
Sign up for newsletters here

Pics from Hotel Utah and Tour Dates

2009-07-08T16:29:00.001-07:00

Harmonies with your sister - it just doesn't get a lot better. Grace is playing harmonium here and back up vocals to "We Must Have Been Birds". So great. She'll be with me again for Santa Barbara and LA shows. Thanks so much to everyone who made it to the show, stayed for the last set on a Sunday, it was like a nest, support and softness and it was good to feel happy.

Especially thanks to Dad and Catherine who drove 5 hours to see us play. It was the first time Grace and I had played together on stage since the 3rd grade play. I think we've improved.

Here are the current tour dates! If you can come and bring friends you'll be doing us the greatest of deeds. We can't wait to see you. If you can't make it but know someone in these towns, send them a link to the music (petracovich.com) and tell them it will be a great show. It seems we'll have a full turnout at most of them, thanks to you!

Hope you're having a beautiful summer.

July 25th – Santa Rosa, CA the Last Record Store
*July 28th - Salem, OR - Coffee House Cafe
July 29th – Seattle, WA – Tost Lounge
July 30th – Portland, OR – Berbati's Pan
July 31st – Eugene, OR – Wandering Goat
August 7th – Visalia, CA – Howie and Sons
August 8th – Santa Barbara, CA – Mercury Lounge
August 10th – Los Angeles, CA – Hotel Cafe
August 13th – San Francisco, CA – Amnesia

For times and more accurate info go to Petracovich's Facebook page - become a fan!

I've been working hard filling orders, lining up the tour, and now coordinating promotion with radio and press. Anyone who has a connection with either of those in a certain town, let me know! jessica@redbuttonsrecords.com

New Video for "You Are This Perfect" from Crepusculo

2009-07-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

Created by my husband, Ryan Malmberg (finchdesign.us)
More explanations later, I want you to have a fresh view and see how it hits you.
Let us know.

Jessica

Syracuse - Story Behind the Song

2009-06-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Listen

The music came first. One time after warming up my fingers on the piano with scales. After the warm up sometimes fingers just want to keep going, and catch on a cord or a pass that really gets to something, speaks to something going on deep down in there.

I loved this tune and would play it to myself like candy sometimes, that emotional fix that feels so good.

Often when the music comes first you don't want to force the meaning out of the song, or try to force something or use the mind too much, it's gotta come on it's own. The music came from a simple and true place, and it takes patience and grace to allow the same thing with words, so much more cerebral. You must open the window and see what shows up, maybe in just a few minutes, maybe months later, something will be waiting there, plain as day.

We were on the road, on tour for Blue Cotton Skin, when we turned from the East Coast to come towards home. Like when you're on a trampoline and there's that moment when you're just floating, not up or down, but in the air, between both movements. It was such a freedom.

The sky was gray, there had been floods because of so much rain, all across the country. May. And the tune came into my head and the moment was right, Syracuse, NY was coming up and the words floated down into the music of this tune.

I felt such a tenderness toward the semis and truck drivers. We had a big van at the time (named Valerie) and we sat kinda high and I could see their faces. They drove as much as we did, much more, and it was interesting to have a little bit of a parallel life with them. The trucks seemed gentle and slow, the fields around us so quiet and green. I was grateful.

Valerie our tour Van/house

To see more Petracovich Tour pics go here and push the pics button

PREORDERS of Crepusculo AVAILABLE NOW!

Syracuse Next 6 exits

Truck drivers bend in my mirror
Square noses curve like the road
By purple fields and farms
Green from the rain doesn't stop

It will be spring six weeks ago
Water is rising level to the road
Geese flying over us
Going back home

Slow mothers carrying loads
Blue cabs, gray clouds hanging low
It's quiet out here on the farmlands
Quietest part of the run

Shows With Sister Grace

2009-06-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

The three sisters would often sing harmonies in the car on the way to school, or on a long trip, and especially doing the dishes. Jody and Grace were better at it than I was, I would sing the melody and belt that out, oh years of fun, tapping on our legs and singing.

And finally I got to sing with my sister Grace on stage this week - so beautiful! She sings low harmonies and plays organ and harmonium with me, and it was loads of fun. Thanks so much to those of you who made it out and stayed up late, all your hugs and tears. It meant so much to see you.

We drove back from Santa Cruz late last night and had to break into the place we were staying - we got the keys to the inner room, but not the keys to the outside door, hmmm. This is not something I'm comfortable with, something that looks questionable, I could get in trouble... - a cop kept driving by, and I'm trying to act all casual at 1am with tears in my eyes cause I want to sleep so bad.

Apparently I have some sneaky abilities, cause we got in, got into bed, and slept, yayay! I'm proud of myself.

Sad to put Grace back on the plane to Long Beach, but we had some good adventures, and managed to get some playing and practicing in between laughs and treats.

Thanks for the memories..

San Rafael - What Does This Song Mean?

2009-06-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

Listen
Have you ever had something that felt like a dream while you were awake? When we lived in San Rafael, about 15 minutes north of San Francisco, I would be driving from the city to home at twilight (crepusculo) and hit some traffic, and have this moment where I felt this gentle splitting withinin myself between the me in the machine (car) the me in the amazing moment of glowing sundown and golden hills full of oak trees.

I'd be driving and almost feel my car lifting off toward the hills, going towards the old landscapes. It happened several times. Something was calling me over there. Then I'd look back to the road, the other cars, the artificial lights, and come back to my reality, stuck to the road, gravity. Technology.

After a year or so of this happening, a tune I was writing felt like it might be the right basket to try to show this mystical moment that would pop up. It was written on the piano, a little achey, a little whimsical, a little sad. When I put the image to the music, words started coming out right, describing those moments.

The mountain it speaks of is Mount Tamalpais, it means Sleeping Woman in the native language, looks like a woman laying on her side, a beautiful, tree-covered monument overlooking the ocean, taking up a lot of Marin County. When I let myself continue this dream in my head, I fly over the hills, the car dissolves, I'm back where it's quiet and you smell the earth and the ocean, she is a protector, this mountain.

Lyrics:

Coming over the hill to San Rafael on the 101
The sky is purple against red brake lights
Watching the stars appearing over the dark outline of the hills
Slowing down in front of flashing signs

Oh Cars Cars are drifting, cars lining up miles, miles and miles Oh , I don’t belong here all caught up inside Sealed off from the night

We sit still, impatient Night is coming,
We’re all going home
Hands on the wheel with our radios
To the west hills go to bed
They’re calling me where I belong
If the traffic stops I’ll float above, alone, above

Oh, cars Cars are rivers cars are flowing miles miles and miles Oh I I am lifted into the sky slipped into some old light

Up up over lights and droning motors
Over dew and honey grass and sleeping deer
Over rollers, hills with backs like dinosaurs
Floating over time a thousand years ago

Sailing Sailing quickly
I will soon be in the ocean air
Sleeping mountain where my heart is heard

Let me down on slanting sides
The breeze my breath, the grass my hair
I will fall asleep to waves and waves… in my ears

I'll Return as Waterbird _ What's this Song About?

2009-06-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

Listen

It started on the bells - a pattern I tapped out on my fingers absentmindedly, and then I picked up some pencils to replicate it, finally found the mallets and went in earnest.

I hummed a long for weeks, with a melody, and couldn't figure out in my mind what the song was about. This is always the case with songs that start with music. The meaning is under many layers.

Images started to come and sometimes it's a little embarrassing to let these out, they seem random and not related to any specific event in my life. I've come to learn that they are more relevant than anything I "think" of to write about. They come from deeper places.

You may have noticed that birds show up a lot in these tunes. They are my guardians, a great blue heron always seems to be near, no matter where I live, even in the suburbs. Even at the beach.

Allowing the images to tell the story to me is like watching a wonderful movie/dream, and over the years I'll know more about what it means.

Basically: Lying in fields for answers is something I've done since a toddler - I'm always letting go of something, the bird flies over, and I become the bird, I let the old things lie in the field, I become the next part of myself. I trust this part to take me into the dark places, to warm me through them.

A lot of the letting go is from religious expectations, old forms, and yet the bird nestling me under the wing is an image I learned from the Bible. There is ancient wisdom in everything, there are things that get messed up.

The earth always seems to be the thing I can trust, the thing that knows, breathed through with the vibration of all love and Spirit. The Native American honor of the sacred earth is so inspiring to me.

The delicacy of the bells against the big thrum of the drums feels perfect, the harmonium in the minor keys feels next-worldly to me. Man, this was a tough one to sing through! Not a lot of places for breath, but I love singing it... And here are the lyrics!

Baby I’ve been feeling so gone
Lyin in a field for so long
Under wings and buzzin things
If I listen good I’ll live long

Harvest ball you’ll be free of me
Of the darkest spark of evenin'
I’ll return as water bird
Greatness fill the river of my blood

I will take you darling
Deep into the evening
I will take you darling
Deep into the night

They’ll say whatever has happened
Some will tell and some won't listen
We saw silver sail glisten
O’er the sea, she’s gone to find her (love)

Where has she gone, where has she flown
Lightness lifting hollow bone
Feathers holding wind to a home
That was there long before she was born

I will take you darling
Deep into the evening
I will take you darling
Deep into the night
Come my little darling
Deep under my warm wing
I will take you darling deep into the night

The truth comes out
I’m light as air without you
The truth comes out
I often think about you

Baby I’ve been feeling so gone
Lying in a field for so long
Under wings and buzzing things
Listen’ to their every day song

After long I learned their ancient
Tellings and I took their secret
I fly over where we summered
And from my high heart I send my love
My love
My love
Oh my love

On Writing - Walgreens

2009-06-01T16:38:00.000-07:00

Walked into Walgreens today and I love the smell of that place.

Brings me back to being a small child at Hoy's 5 and dime with my Grandparents at the shore. When the gift of a plastic ball fom a big bin of other plastic balls with marbly blue and pink colors on it was heaven.

And what is the 32 year old Jessica's equivalent of a marbly blue and pink plastic ball?

A composition notebook.

Blank lined pages. Big enough to write freely, cheap enough to not edit my thoughts, the right space between the lines - and this one was purple. I thought I'd go for purple for the first time.

I remembered today how important it is to write those 3 pages every morning - not songwriting, just whatever comes out. Not trying to make it sound any certain way. And the composition notebook is just the key to make that happen. Little pretty journals are harder to write in.

This to me is a big key to writing. When you're TRYING to sound poetic, it's not convincing. Practing writing about nothing really gets a nice flow going, so that when I do go into my studio and press record, I'm already all flowy and purged.

And then it's just fun.

Heaven Help the Day - What's this song about?

2009-05-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

Listen

Walking down the sidewalk in Carpinteria, CA with Ryan one day we came upon a yard sale. I bought an old copy of War and Peace.

When I got home a letter fell out of it. This guy writing to someone about all his regrets, that he divorced the woman he loved cause he thought he was going to prison, that he regretted that he'd never met his son, that the cancer he had could never hurt him the way he missed her. It was unbelievable, all this pain.

It stayed with me. I wrote about the son, the one that got left, that had nothing to do with what happened.

I know a lot of people who have never met their father, or not till later in life. I have a friend who saw the back of her dad's head once when someone pointed him out to her as they passed in a car. That's all she got.

I got to meet Nick Flynn on tour, and read his book Another Bullshit Night in Suck City. He writes about being a boy and wondering if he'd met his dad but didn't know it. That inspired a lot of the feeling of this tune.

The song is all the feelings of love and anger that go with being left by family. How in the end, there is always a piece of the heart that is theirs, no matter what they do to you.

I have never met my father
They say he left us for another
Her name was Wanda, her name was prison, her name was free
And my name’s lonely, My name’s orphan My name’s please

If you see me walking I look at faces
I wonder if your blood’s in me
You’re just a stranger, a fellow walking down the street
And if you see me, smile gently keep going
Heaven Help the Day you ran from home

Cause I don’t know if I want you home
If I want you back who left me all alone
Yah I don’t know if I want you home
Heaven help the day you come

I’d make you worry, I’d make you want me,
I’d make you sit at home, wonderin’ where I’d gone
Uh huh
I’d make you love me, I’d make you love me then I’d leave you all alone

Heaven help the day you come back home

Copyright Jessica Peters Malmberg 2009

Bay Area Shows with Johanna Kunin

2009-05-26T16:09:00.001-07:00

New shows in San Francisco and Santa Cruz with the wonderful Johanna Kunin, on tour from Seattle. So excited to play some music with her!

If you know anyone in these towns, please pass the word on, send em down! It will be a great night of thoughtful, beautiful tunes.

San Francisco - June 14th 9:00 PM at Hotel Utah with Johanna Kunin
500 Fourth Street, San Francisco, California 94107
Cost: TBD

Santa Cruz - June 15th, 9:00 PM at The Crepe Place with Johanna Kunin
1134 Soquel Ave, Santa Cruz, California 95062
Cost: TBD

More info at Myspace
Or at Petracovich.com

Big Heart - a song from Crepusculo

2009-05-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

Listen

Even before the big loss of last year, the loss of my son, I had a bit of a continual heartache. You can hear it in the music of the past years - the melancholy with sweetness, the sadness always a little present.

I decided one day that my heart was good, with the holes, with the big feelings, with the darks and the lights. With the sadness. The ride it takes me on is important. And I would protect it, and make a safe place for it, trust it and listen to it. (More.)

Sat down at the piano, pushed record, and told my heart, "No one will ever hear this." It's easiest for me to write a song thinking that it's just in this small world of my red-walled studio and my imagination that it will exist, and it can come out safely this way. I can break the rule later.

And I started plunking the piano, felt the arpeggio of the first line come, it felt real, and I could sing it again and again and like it.

Recording the piano for Big Heart from Crepusculo on the old and singular piano at Type Foundry in Portland, you could hear the hammers and strings, the creaks of the pedal. And getting into the space of dearness, singing to my heart, is nothing but helpful, strengthening, and scary all at once.

We decided to keep it sparse, keep the drums with space between and making an impact. Tad contributed the guitars from his studio in Santa Barbara, a strong solo, and perfect support for the choruses. And we let it build up strong at the end to the declaration of "This is your song", a big celebration, a letting go, and then, a quiet thank you at the end.

Lyrics:
To my big big big big heart
Oh my love
I will listen
Beautiful heart

Oh my big big big big heart
You love so hard,
Let me clip the wires off
You will bleed

Chorus
I will build you a house
Made of earth, of my bone
It will be black as love
It will be a gracious womb

Oh my dear dear dear dear heart
Steady in me
Making me me
I thought it was too much

And I’ll hold you here my heart
Velvet dark drum
Lean against your soft thrum
Making waves through me

Chorus
I will build you a house
Made of earth, of my bone
It will be black as love
It will be a gracious womb
Throw your arms up, this is for you,
Throw your arms up it's your song...

To my big big big big heart
Marching soldier
Blessed Mother
Big strong love

Up at 3:30am

2009-05-01T03:54:00.001-07:00

I never do this. Laying in bed, I'm thinking about the release of Crepusculo, my latest album, this summer. We're planning a tour from LA to Seattle and I'm lying half awake with weird surveys I'm taking in my dreams, and names of friends in these cities circling my brain, and I think, should I spend this hour laying here frustrated or get up and send some emails? It feels good to just scratch the itch. I can nap tomorrow.

Except that when you get up in the middle of the night, when your eyes have been closed and look at the computer screen, it's impossibly bright. I had to half cover my eyes for five minutes! The computer is so full of fake light, how can we look at it all day?

In my half-awake state, I start thinking about sending this record to be reviewed, a process that's part rewarding, ego-boosting and part high-school, "am I popular?" - feeling. I remember one review from the Portland Mercury where the guy spent 2 paragraphs talking about how there were birds on the cover of my album and birds were SO last year. Then he spent a couple sentences writing about the music, and how it was pretty good.

At the same time, I've never felt more like I don't need to read the reviews. I love these songs, I love the artwork, I like my life, I get to play music, isn't this great? I get to play music!

So hopefully bitter Jess will stay home when we play this tour, and happy Jess will be present as we open the paper, sitting at a pizza joint an hour before we play a show and read through local reviews, I hope I remember how good I have it, and let it be fun to read what these people I've never met have written about what I wrote. I hope I remember happy hours at my baby grand, with the window open, listening to the mockingbird outside as I play away...

Albums in the Factory

2009-04-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

We sent my new album, Crepusculo, to the factory to be pressed, printed, minted and made into reality.

The artwork is beautiful, the music crisp and full of heart.

I'm starting to book shows from LA to Seattle! We'll be heading up late July, early August, and sending info as soon as we get it so you can mark the calendars. Playing with some great bands in these towns, so excited to be traveling again and coming to your town!

Last night I went to see Garrett Pierce at Ravenous in Healdsburg, CA. Living an hour from San Francisco, it's awesome when someone great heads to the northbay and we get to see a great show in our own neighborhood. He sang lovely, sad but rockin melodies with great voice, great band. Check him out. His new album, All Masks, is awesome.

Interview with Angela Correa by Petracovich

2009-04-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Correatown (Angela Correa) of Los Angeles – I was melted and inspired by her velvet voice, her heart-filled old-fashioned songs, her craft with making songs and making the room silent the first time I saw her sing at the Mercury Lounge in Santa Barbara, CA. Over the years we played some shows together, I slept on her couch a couple times, and walked to breakfast together afterwards in Echo Park. She’s a great person who makes you laugh and a wonderful songwriter. Her latest album, Spark. Burn. Fade, will be coming out in June. Get her albums at angelacorrea.com, and listen at MYSPACE
(A=Angela J=Jessica (Petracovich)

J What happens if you're NOT writing music?

A well, i feel really pent up inside almost like i have some sort of whirlwind and need to find a release valve but lately, words have been hard to find and melodies and music have been easier to connect with

J ya, that happens to me too, and it's nice to let the words stay away if they're not there, and just be with the tunes. Can you go into the music more then?

A yeah, exactly... i feel like when one aspect of songwriting feels a little stifled the other compensates so i've started trying to capture the melodies/// and then go back and work lyrics and song ideas

J I think my songs come out best that way. Are you ever able to have an idea for the subject of a song and then tell the story? I have a hard time with that, almost like my subconscious has to do all the words

A me too... forcing it doesn't bring about songs that are meaningful in the long term (to me at least) almost as if i am giving myself a creative writing assignment

J your storytelling is so great

A thanks... i think i like to try and recreate a place or a feeling and give all the details

J Do you have a storytelling type song you wrote that is particularly close to your heart?

A well... i think saint dinan is one of the more poignant story songs, i think THAT whole album for me (the Correatown) was my most storytelling album

J That's the one I was thinking of too! I LOOOVEE that song

A i always remember how fun it was to sing it together at the church in SB

THAT was such a lovely show... one of my favorites ever i think

J That was so beautiful. You made it sparkle! So glad to be in one of your favorite shows!

When did you start singing?

A i've always sang... since i was little. My mom always sang in the car and she taught me how to harmonize because she always sang the harmony to songs so i picked it up really naturally from her. I used to sing in youth groups and in church as a kid too...

J You have a remarkable mixture of sounding open and raw and yet always right on key, and your harmonies are tear-pulling too.

A well, i've really been learning in the past 6 years how to use my voice
in different ways, but using my voice I've learned how to express different things,
how to sing quietly or to use my vibrato and I've actually in the past two years really opened up my voice a lot more

J has it grown from you pretty naturally or did you think about it while listening to recordings of yoruself and say, I think I'd like to change ____?

A I think its grown from experiences. I used to sing in the lower register a lot and hardly ever hit it or belt it out/// but now I like to play with the dynamics of my voice within a song. I think some of your songwriting was an influence on me as well. When i first heard your blue cotton skin album, i loved the way you elongated words in your phrases

J wow, that's so cool! a huge compliment

A and i think very unconsciously i wrote that into some songs/// or "tried it on for size" and then tailored it to suit my writing. I think that's such a fun way to write. Because we like certain aspects of someone's song for a reason, and it can help us find new paths with our own creations...

J yeah i think that's true, it's good to find inspiration from others and then make it feel natural and true for yourself in your own writing

There are some amazing cord progressions in chopin, i'm gonna figure them out and see why I love them, if I can use them

A lately i've been trying to write songs that are more obscure in form, that sort of thing/// like a song that i feel really connected to, i try to figure out WHAT about that song is speaking to me or what is special

or find a way to integrate it into your writing. i'm hoping to write more songs that have fewer lyrics. a bit more instrumental and dreamy. And less structured in a typical way... i feel like that's a good place for me to reach to

J yah, simmer it down, that would be fun, you're good at dreamy.
You have a great presence to you, when you're singing, you bring a texture to the room, velvety and flowing

A yeah, i feel like i have come full circle the past couple years...at being at ease with being the singer-songwriter in the room

J when was it hardest for you to be that person?

A i think for so long it was just me and my guitar and it was a really intense performance, really personal and i felt very much inside the music as i was singing it and then i started to feel exposed. ( i think i was dealing with some personal issues... depression, weight, confidence... you name it) and it became really hard to BE that person playing, so exposed so i gravitated towards having a band to be sort of inside a big sound and not the only one onstage, not have it be about me... but truthfully... it's always gonna be my songs and my voice singing and my something to share

J what are you doing now onstage?

A well, i have a band now that i play with... and changed to performing as Correatown rather than Angela Correa

J I love that name, a place we can all come home to --- that's so perfect

A yeah// i liked it too... sort of a pun and sort of personal. A BUT in the past few months, i've really figured out that i want to discover a middle ground

J so do you play some tunes alone, some with the band?

yeah, thats exactly how i do it now.. play some solo shows, and some full band shows... and i;ve started playing a couple solo songs duringthe set

and NOW i'm going to start towards arranging songs in such a way that they serve the song

J for both recording and performing?

A yep for both...

J what have you been changing or noticing?

A well, dynamics. When i play solo i always really messw ith the dynamics of a song//// big here and quiet there and building or just stopping. it was not something i knew how to articulate and develop with a band

and so now i am putting more thought into ensuring that every song arrangement has very subtle or specific dynamics that are more reflective of those subtleties and nuances that i put into the songwriting

J you're good at weaving the audience in with your playing that way, with you and your guitar, it does take a lot of deliberate planning with a band.

A yeah, i was in a place initially where i was like "let's just rock" and full steam ahead

but not anymore... i moved to the term "soft rock" and now i'm where i should be at "let's arrange these damn songs for my folk storytelling" haha

J - Who's in your band?

well, there's Rob Poynter on drums (also my boyfriend- very handy)

and Raymond Richards on guitar (he co-produced my latest album with me)

and Mike Corwin on bass (a very talented musician in many bands)

J Where are your favorite places to play?
my favorite places to play...

i love spaceland and the echo

i also love the art spaces on the Eastside... like Pehrspace and Echo Curio

i like places where you can do what you like with a set and not freak out about draw

J what do you love about LA?

A I love the diversity. i love how varied everything is and how small my little community is here on the Eastside. i ride my bike a lot and see familiar faces a lot and it's nice because for the past couple years, working for myself, i stay inside by myself a lot- and it's nice to make connections like you would if you had a job somewhere

J It's great for people to know that there's more to LA than the big fakeyness and traffic, I've loved visiting your neighborhood and seeing goats and chickens!

A it's almost too easy to spend the whole day "inside your head" - so my neighborhood keeps me connected/grounded/happy

J What's your happiest vision of yourself in 5 years?

hmmmm... i would like to be songwriting furiously and performing out on the road... and also have a great support team to manage the small stuff- so i could focus on the creative stuff

J I think it will happen.

A i would also like to be more grounded and at peace with my life... i spend too much time worrying about "what if..." and "when will..." i hope to change those aspects of myself and be more present, daily

J yah, that's a good goal. So I'll help you, Right now, you're a musician who writes wonderful songs, a singer, and you give beauty to people, something we need more and more of , and right now, you're doing your job, right where you should be, it's all coming together perfectly!

A thanks Jess... i'll make that my mantra that i say each morning, i've been seeing a hypno therapist actually. it's easier to help each other with that stuff than to do it all on our own.. to help me actualize my goals and work towards that!

J hypno therapy works! I got through my labor with that.

A i've gone a bout four times and i feel like it has made a positive difference
Those subconscious beliefs are nice to direct into positive ways.

J anything else you want to leave with?

A thank you

J Thank you!

Angela Correa

Strange Cake

2009-03-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had cake at my bank! Yes, we celebrated with balloons too!

Why? Well, it's like this. MY bank failed and then was bought by this other mega bank, and so they made a cake for everyone!

We, making our deposits, in line, could have some - chocolate or vanilla, with awesome black frosting in industrial letters that said CHASE. And blue frosting for their cool insignia.

Except that by the time I got there it just said ASE, and the black was sort of bleeding into the white frosting. And the blue frosting was smeared around the foil that the cake was on.

And it was all pretty gross.

But I got to write this blog in my mind while I was staring at it in line, so it was all worth it.

Bye Wamu, I eat cake and wave goodbye, to whatever you were and whatever is replacing you. The world is weird. It was always weird, and now it's just very apparent.

Pics from Grass Valley

2009-03-28T10:09:00.001-07:00

My Dad is a wonderful photographer, and he took these photos at the Copper Top Lounge a couple weeks ago when I played with Bri Anne Michelle, my step-sis.

It was a beautiful night.

I'm working more on the album release - planning shows, publicity, and looks like it will just be a few more months. Summertime!

Talking with the folks from Insider's Network, a great organization that consults with independent artists, giving great advice and direction. It feels really good to get this going, get it out there.

And if you haven't seen the new Myspace page, check it out!

Next week's blog will be an interview with one of my favorite songwriters, Angela Correa. It was awesome talking to her, can't wait for you to see it.

First Show Tomorrow

2009-03-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I go to Grass Valley, CA to play a show at the Coppertop Lounge. It's in honor of my step-mom Cath, her birthday, and I'm playing with my step-sister Bri, who's releasing an album in April.

I've been sitting at the piano and playing the tunes, singing away.

This is the first show since I had my baby, so it is a big landmark, sign-post, lightbulb, a big deal. It's right that it will be me and the piano, simple and true, to start back in.

I miss my baby, and now I sing for him. It goes along with all the changes of my heart and body that come with making a baby inside me, and then letting him go. That tenderness and softness is where music comes from now, it is like a crystal cave, dark and light at the same time, loud and soft, more open than before. I know he hears me.

I practiced with Max the amazing drummer on Monday, and it was satisfying to hear those drums again, to sing loud with the microphone again, to be back in that mode.
It is good to play WITH people, to join those sound waves together, it's a good drug.

So here's to the first step of the next phase of the road, to more music, more songs, more shows, more life.

Playing Chopin from the score

2009-02-14T18:12:00.001-08:00

The comfort of the notes lined up on the page of my book Chopin Nocturnes is a unique experience. It is somewhere between listening to a recording of the piece and writing my own song. I get to follow this music without coming up with it; to play it not knowing exactly what will happen, letting it lead me.

Somehow my mind and hands makes the notes on the page come out through this big, watery instrument, onto hammers and strings and vibrations. The melodies are painfully beautiful, so satisfying to bring to life over a hundred years after they were written. I hum them for days afterwards.

I finish a tune and turn the page to start another, again, it unfolds and winds its story around and I follow it like a path and allow it to happen. I pause where it feels right, I slow it down, I turn a phrase just how it should be turned in this moment in time according to me.

This one starts out in a minor key. It is melancholy but so true, not over-exaggerating its sadness, just the right amount of dark. Some moments of bittersweet happy, chords like a hymn in church, some comfort, some wise words, then back to the pretty sadness, building quietly to the end, and then, after several slow, held out chords to finish, a surprise, subtle gift of a redemption, a major chord, so perfectly placed that you almost don't notice.

But for me, it was a ray of light, it was as though, in your last breath of life, you saw how it all fit together, how it was all worth it, how even the darkest moments the pain added beauty. I wanted to say thank you to Frederic, for that poignant moment, because I didn't remember that ending, and as it came out under my fingers, I cried because of the hope that vibrated through the room and then faded to further ends of the universe.

Pictures from Recording in Portland

2009-01-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

We had such a good time recording with John Askew in Portland. We split our time between Type Foundry and Secret Society as we were tracking. I played this awesome old rickety piano with tons of personality and the ghosts of many song-filled fingers hovering over it. Type Foundry is in an industrial sort of area, as you can see, with an awesome bridge sprawling out over the river right beyond the driveway. The floors are wooden, the light is from the window, pretty rare for a studio to have natural light. Max is playing the drums and he nailed it. We had so much fun. We ate so much! Being pregnant I just couldn't get enough. I made everyone else gain weight too! Secret Society is all red and plush and new and quiet, sort of the opposite in feel of Type Foundry, a great balance to strike for our project. Up at the top, that's John on the left, me (Jessica) in the middle, and Max on the left.

I'd highly recommend working with John - he's got great ideas, is a talented musician and songwriter himself, he makes you feel great after every take, and knows how to streamline the process to get it all done and done as close to your idea as you can get it. He holds a great space for creativity to come out. His site is http://filmg.com/

A big compliment from a little boy

2009-01-16T18:06:00.000-08:00

Kids seem closer to everything, GOD, the earth, rhythms of the universe, so it makes me feel like if they're getting into something I made, than it must have been on the right track.

Here is Mateo, a sweet little boy of my friend Tonya, dancing to "the maji" from the recent Christmas album.

the Harmonium

2009-01-05T14:03:00.000-08:00

I can walk by this beautiful instrument in my studio, and be transformed. It has this great antique smell that reminds me of being a kid and our heavy wooden walnut furniture, the way it smelled when you opened cabinet doors. It's loud, it drones, the air passes through the reeds and it gets me every time. I can sit and play with it and not be writing, just feeling the sound pass through me, through the table, into the air. It is good for me to play without the intention of getting something, but just to be there. They use it in India to chant to, to have a note that keeps everyone on the same frequency. It sounds old and romantic, like an accordian, it seems to have a real voice. I used it a bit on the album that will soon be released. As a piano player, I generally play a keyboard when playing live, pianos are rare and hard to get tuned for a stage and all, so it's so wonderful when I get to play something that makes its own sound, that I can feel the air passing through, that seems to play its own melody as soon as I touch it.

Happy New Year! Happy January! I'm so glad the holidays are over, they were really tough this year, and I wake up down and out. I know it's not forever but it's how it is now. I miss my darling boy. Life is full of heartache. And it's full of beautiful simple things. Really, I feel like I don't know enough about life to say anything about it. Ha ha, miss writer-of-songs. I guess I'm always trying to figure it out, always saying you can't. That leaves lots of material.

Have a good first week of 2009. Imagine good things. It makes them closer.

My favorite Chrismas albums

2008-12-27T16:21:00.001-08:00

There are few Christmas albums that make me smile but here are some good ones in no particular order:

Johnny Cash - The Christmas Spirit - it's good for a chuckle, good for a big man with a deep voice to sing these old carols, and his version of christmas songs - gotta listen on vinyl
Sufjan Stevens - Songs for Christmas - from the simple banjos to the big percussion and bells, there is a lot of music here that could blend into your life in December so you can have the holdiays but not go insane..
Roger Whittacker - Christmas album - my sisters and I had whole routines for each song as kids, had all the words memorized, nice dramatic, sweeping 70's big sweetness.

Bing Crosby - White Christmas CD - I love this old way of singing, natural and smoothe and charming, good stuff

Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful Christmas - he reads "the night before Christmas". Full of laughter, good for lots of people over
Low - Christmas - slow and strong and steady, lullabies and some rockin original stuff too.

Aimee Mann - One More Drifter in the Snow - beautiful and depressing, organs and strings and sarcasm with a bit of good cheer. I love her voice

The story of the last 3 years...

2008-12-03T11:07:00.000-08:00

So much has happened...

After touring for We are Wyoming we moved to Santa Rosa, an hour north of San Francisco. We focused on playing in the Bay Area for a while, converted our garage into a studio for me - the first time I've had a private space for music. Baby grand piano, red walls, computer and mics, it's bliss. Here Iwrote and wrote for the 3rd album...

We headed to Portland for Feb/March 2008 and recorded what will be the next album, staying with my sister and her big dog Theo. With John Askew recording and producing, it was a great time, fun and peaceful, playing tunes, talking, and eating up a storm. I've been playing with a great drummer, Max Diez from Audio Outsend, and Tad Wagner added amazing guitars, Heather Houseman on cello. The best thing about it was that I was pregnant with my first child, a mystical and beautiful feeling. He is woven through all of these sounds, with love and wonder.

We finished the album in good time, and took a few months off for my belly to grow. In the hot summer of 2008, I had a blast in my home studio recording songs for the winter season, sweating and imagining the cold and the dark. I like the songs in minor keys, the darker ones. I like bringing out the good memories of the season, the Christmas eve service in the little wooden church my family belonged to, no lights, just candles, no mics, just walls, people singing in the candlelight, I loved that part.

The Portland album was mastered and my baby was born the same week. It seemed like everything in my life, these amazing creations, would converge in space and time. Otto Charles was born August 22nd, 2008. And when he came out he wasn't breathing. After a great deal of whisking away and a few days of tests and wires, we found that an "event" occurred a few days before his birth, and his brain was really injured, and he wouldn't have long to live. Our hearts broke and broke and broke. Our baby, who we loved more with each second passing, would have a very short life. So we decided to make it the best possible, and we took him off the machines and took him home and spent every last moment holding him and singing to him. I became a mama, my husband an amazing father, our hearts grew so big to know this beautiful soul that came to us, our child. We had 3 days with him and when we couldn't stay awake any longer, when our eyes closed, he passed on in our arms at dawn.

This has changed everything. Becoming a mom is enough of a perspective shift, a huge change of order. Singing my son to sleep, singing to comfort him, singing to help him die, both destroyed me and made me find this place of pure love, of genuine being. I have never felt like I was really singing until that time. And now, still, I feel music as a source, a connection, that is in everything, and I don't need to try hard to do it, it is just in me, it just IS me. Big goals, numbers of albums sold, people at shows, are hard to care about. But music, I love more than ever. My son is such a big part of my heart, my life, everything I see now, and I hope to keep my heart soft for him, I hope to keep singing to him from that place that he showed me.

I am sad a lot. I find peace too. I realize that I will die and that life is here for me for now, what will I do? How will I be? I have 40 or 50 years to be here and what is this all about?

And so I have this beautiful album that I love, and I'm figuring out how best to release it. I hope to get it out in the next few months. I am excited for people to hear it, because it was an amazing time for me to make it, and such a sacred space was held for my baby and the music in the rooms it was made in. These songs mean so much now.

Those Christmas tunes are posted at Petracovich.com for free download! The album is called Old Long Since/Winter Songs.

I hope you have a beautiful winter season. I hope the solstice and all the dark holds you within yourself in a peaceful way. Thank you for your wonderful support and for listening. It is an honor for me.

I'll be keeping this going about once a week - check back for more info... I've got lots to say about life and music and recording and the road.

Jessica