Tuesday, November 6, 2012


July 19th.
One of the happiest days of my life.

In a room with open windows, in the middle of the day, and kind nurses and good doctors and my love and my mom there, my new little girl arrived.  Arrived sounds so passive.  We worked hard together, and I gave birth!

And there was an amazing 3 days of just bliss, of meeting this little person that is my daughter, seeing the knees and the fingers that I felt in my belly, kissing her face, seeing her.  And then the complications of life, of easing her into our family, of hormones and healing and cooking and cleaning and visiting and sleeping and crying.  Life is good and it is everything. Hard and wonderful.

Relief. She is here.  She is here!! She is a love, a dear, beautiful, solid girl.  I am sooo happy to meet her and hold her, kiss her, know her.

And mothering is the most satisfying and most CHALLENGING job I have ever had.  It's growing me up.  I miss, oh I miss, playing the piano at will, hours on end of listening, tweeking, making sounds, or just easily reading a poem or taking a shower!  Of coarse I miss it. 

But these days don't come back, these days of tiny fingers holding my hands, of goofy smiles and peels of laughter, of hugs and comfort and such love.  Music comes from these days, music is these days too.  And the time will come back, and I will love it more than ever.  I so look forward to cherishing those hours again, and excited to play from so much love.

I do get to sit down to play, I play for my girls, my parakeet, my husband, guests, at spur of the moments, and everyone is happy, and then it becomes a duet with my 3 year old who loves to play too!  I sing all the time because that's just how I am.

And ideas brew,  and an acceptance of my heart grows, I think that songs will flow from not trying so hard.  I watch the clouds from the rocking chair where I nurse, they are different every day. Each day is so lovely and different in the sky, each day a gift. 

I am so excited to share the songs I wrote for my first baby, my Otto. Songs of love and death, love after death, love in spite of it. They are ready, and I am waiting for the ripe time to release it.  In the next few months.  I am so proud of them.